Beverley Knight's Shoulda Woulda Coulda

"Shoulda Woulda Coulda"

People say that together we were both sides of the same coin
That we would shine like Venus in a clear night sky
We thought our love could overcome the circumstances
But my ambition wouldn't allow for compromise

I could see in the distance all the dreams that were clear to me
Every choice that I had to make left you on your own
Somehow the road we started down had split asunder
Too late to realise how far apart we'd grown.

How I wish I, wish I'd done a little bit more
Now " Shoulda woulda coulda," means I'm out of time
Coz "Shoulda woulda coulda", can't change your mind
And I wonder, wonder what I'm gonna do
"Shoulda woulda coulda" are the last words of a fool

People ask how it feels to live the kind of life others dream about
I tell them everybody gotta face their highs and their lows
And in my life there's a love I put aside, cause I was busy loving something else
So for every little thing you hold on to, you've got to let something else go

How I wish I, wish I'd done a little bit more
Now " Shoulda woulda coulda," means I'm out of time
Coz "Shoulda woulda coulda", can't change your mind
And I wonder, wonder what I'm gonna do
"Shoulda woulda coulda" are the last words of a.....

Fool if I would now forsake the opportunities are fate
I know I'm right where I belong
But sometimes when I'm not so strong I....

wish I, wish I'd done a little bit more
Now " Shoulda woulda coulda," means I'm out of time
Coz "Shoulda woulda coulda", can't change your mind
And I wonder, wonder what I'm gonna do
"Shoulda woulda coulda" are the last words of a fool

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The words of a fool.... the words of shoulda coulda coulda.
let this fool add yet another to the collection...
what if, maybe,

Jon Mclaughlin's So Close

You're in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I'm with you

So close to feeling alive

A life goes by

Romantic dreams must die

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

So close was waiting, waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All that I want is to hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy ending

Almost believing this one's not pretend

And now you're beside me and look how far we've come

So far, we are, so close

How could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now?

We're so close

To reaching that famous happy ending

Almost believing this one's not pretend

Let's go on, on dreaming for we know we are

So close

So close

And still so far

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i havent the chance to watch any romantic movie.... yet (i hope).

i havent cried to the storylines of shows for a long time.

the closest i got was when i watched FirstLight-by ToyFactoryProductionLtd.

It was a good show. It touched my heart. It reminded me of my dear grandma..

yet it was when i heard this song at Cherry's page on SolerWorld when it all came back to me.

The regrets, the sighs, the hiding.

I miss those days when i look forward to the first SMS, and could sleep well after a long chat on the phone... I miss the special someone who unknowingly touched my heart, and i unknowingly enter a realm which i was afraid and still is terrified of... Although like jac said, we never started, so whats the problem? If i have an answer to that i would be a wise old man who would laugh at fools on love while sitting alone under the willow by the river. But i am not, not even "Dylan the priest" can help himself this time.

Although i said i am over him, i have moved on. well frankly these are bullshit.

its a facade which i erect so that i can hide myself from the people who wants to hurt me further. its like we are over, awkward now...isnt that punishment enough already? why are you still not satisfied? why do you still want to create topics to pull the fragile relationship of 2 awkward friends further apart?? this year's birthday celebrated at school was horrible. i wasnt prepared for the sacarsm, accusation and mocking cos its my day.

i swallowed, i smiled to hide my blues, i turn the otherway cos i didnt want to see them.

yet i had to restrain myself from turning around everytime i hear the door, everytime i hear you laugh with someone else, everytime you chatted with those others which i want to hide from.

i admit i cant forget you.

forgive me, the times i wanted to call you, the times i wanted but deleted those SMS which i want to send you, the times i think of you and wonder if things could be different, the times i told myself i have to spend everyday better than tomorrow so that i could spike you for missing out on me, the times i smiled at the words "he's not that into you" or "having a great time without him is the best revenge", the times i harbour the thought of getting someone to go out with me hoping you'll see and feel jealous, the times i pretended to ignore you, the times i walk a curved path to stand further from you...

forgive me for telling you that you are the one i've fallen for...

i always hoped to hear you say u fell for me to.. but I wouldnt dream you'd say so ever.

although good friends tell me that its your lost that we are not together, or that you wouldnt last in another relationship... ive learnt that seeing you happy would make me happy too. at least this i know is true although i didnt believe anyone could do that before, only cos i never loved anyone so hard before and gotten struck down even harder.

so please, be happy, smile and hug your girl harder cos you dont know how hard she must have fought to meet you now.

and for me, maybe i should forget your advice: tell him you love him....

i dont want another awkward friendship when friends so close became so far apart.